Embracing the Fire: Understanding and Expressing Anger in Grief
Welcome to the less talked about side of grief, where the sadness is massive, but the anger? Oh, it’s monumental. If you've ever wanted to punch a pillow (or a wall—though we don't recommend it) while grieving, you're not alone, you're not overreacting, and there’s nothing wrong with you. This post is your unofficial permission slip to feel and express that anger without guilt.
Understanding Anger in Grief
Anger during grief is like the unwanted holiday guest who shows up and doesn’t get the hint to leave. It pops up out of nowhere, triggered by anything or nothing at all. This fiery emotion stems from various sources: the frustration over lost future plans, feelings of being abandoned by the deceased, or just plain rage against the unfairness of death. It’s messy, it’s raw, and frankly, it’s a completely normal part of grieving.
Expressing Anger Safely
Here’s how you can channel your inner Hulk in a way that won’t scare the neighbors:
Physical Activity: Get into activities like kickboxing, running, or smashing old dishes (safely, please). It’s not only therapeutic but you get to pretend you’re in a dramatic movie montage.
Creative Expression: Write, paint, or compose music. Ever tried splatter painting? Highly recommended for a cathartic release.
Get Curious: See if you can notice where your anger seems to live in your body. How big is it? What shape or color is it? What makes it bigger? What makes it smaller?
Anger and Its Misinterpretations
Despite its bad rep, anger isn't your enemy. It's not the antithesis of healing but rather a fiery companion on your journey. It's the spark that might just light the way to personal growth and advocacy during one of the most vulnerable times of your life.
Learning from Anger
Anger is the loudmouth that actually tells you a lot about what you value, what you miss, and what boundaries you need to set. It's the raw energy that highlights the intensity of love and the depth of what you lost with the death. Listen to it, learn from it, and use it to fuel changes that honor your needs and your loved one's memory.
Moving Beyond Anger
However, like any fire, anger needs to be watched. Dwelling too long in its warmth can keep you stuck. Here’s how to gently transition from the blaze of anger to the warmth of acceptance:
Therapy: Sometimes, a professional can help you sort through the embers. They provide strategies to manage the flames and prevent any burns.
Mindfulness and Meditation: Like a fire extinguisher for the soul, these practices help you acknowledge and release anger without letting it torch everything in its path.
Conclusion
Anger in grief isn’t something to shove under the rug. It's a vital, fiery part of the healing process that deserves its moment in the spotlight. When you understand and embrace this heat, you forge a path through the darkness with a torch in hand, lighting up corners of yourself that might otherwise remain in shadow.
Grief doesn’t come with a map, but you don’t have to walk through it alone. I’m Laura Walton, LMFT and Founder of Grief on Purpose. I've created courses, resource bundles, and journals designed to give you tools, companionship, and a place to begin again. Whether you’re navigating the death of someone you love, carrying the weight of trauma, or simply looking for a gentle guide back to yourself, I'd be honored to help you. I am currently booking clients for both clinical and non-clinical modalities.